"I hate to be a pest, but maybe let's just try to leave the room a little neater than we found it, okay? Please?" (Source)

Have you ever watched a messy surgery on a hospital-based TV show and thought to yourself: "Wow, what a mess! Who's going to clean all of that up?" The answer is you—if you want to become a hospital orderly, that is. Doctors and nurses don't have time to move their patients from bed to wheelchair, feed them mashed peas, or get them dressed and cleaned. 

If that sounds like your cup of tea, get your papers in order(ly), because all of the patient moving, the caring, and the mopping can be yours for the taking (source). 

Essentially, an orderly is an assistant to a nurse, who in turn is, in a sense, an assistant to a doctor. Orderlies are most commonly associated with long-term care facilities, like nursing homes or mental health institutions, but don't let us limit you by telling you what's "normal." 

You can also work in the regular old hospital, the emergency room, the surgical ward—whichever ward you want, really. The qualifications are basically the same across the board, so the medical institutional world is your oyster (source). 

You'll learn most of what you need to know through on-the-job training. That's right. You can score your dream orderly job straight out of high school. But that also means the pay isn't fantastic: you're looking at a median salary of about $23,990 per year (source). 

You may not need the degree, but you will need to enjoy helping people. If you can't stand hearing about other peoples' problems, or if you are just way too grossed out to help with Grandma Ellen's incontinence problems, you might want to look elsewhere for career options. Presuming you don't need to learn the art of patience and compassion, you should be ready to start immediately (source). 

 

You thought they phased these things out? Guess again. These are your new BFFs. (Source)

Just because you don't need any more qualifications, though, doesn't mean you shouldn't seek any. The more licenses and certifications you get, the more you'll actually be able to do. An orderly with no ambition cleans the bed pans. An orderly who graduated from a state-approved education program, is trained in CPR, and is certified in specialty areas such as medication or geriatrics, can clean the bed pans and assist with actual nursing tasks (source). 

That's way better than just cleaning bed pans.

There's plenty more to do as well. You'll clean all the other medical equipment, and interact with patients or residents a lot. You'll often act as a personal taxi service, transporting them from room to room with nothing but some muscle and a wheelchair. 

You'll feed these people, bathe them, dress them, and talk to them about their families and hobbies. If you decide to get certified in certain areas, you can start taking their vitals and even dole out medications (source). 

The pay is not great. The hours are not ideal. You'll make a lot of compromises and sacrifices for this job. Best case scenario, you're making around $36,000 a year. Worst case scenario, you scrape by on $17,000 a year. Even if you're happy with your oh-so-quaint pay, you'll often have to work weekends and holidays (source). But it's all worth it if you can go home knowing that you're making a real difference in the lives of those you helped.

The good news is, this field is growing faster than almost every other job out there. The Baby Boomers are finally kicking it retirement-style (and ending up in elder-care facilities). There's a growing demand for orderlies and you can fill it. But, you should be warned, being an orderly isn't really a dream job for most people.

If it's yours, you're in great shape. Get out there and live your dream. For the most part, though, people start out as orderlies to pave the way for other careers in healthcare (source). It's a really good stepping stone for most people. If it's your version of the "international pop star" gig, then more power to you.

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