Much Ado About Nothing: Act 2, Scene 1 Translation

A side-by-side translation of Act 2, Scene 1 of Much Ado About Nothing from the original Shakespeare into modern English.

Original Text	Translated Text
Source: Folger Shakespeare Library
Enter Leonato, his brother, Hero his daughter, and Beatrice his niece, with Ursula and Margaret. LEONATO Was not Count John here at supper? LEONATO’S BROTHER I saw him not. BEATRICE How tartly that gentleman looks! I never can see him but I am heartburned an hour after. HERO He is of a very melancholy disposition. 5 BEATRICE He were an excellent man that were made just in the midway between him and Benedick. The one is too like an image and says nothing, and the other too like my lady’s eldest son, evermore tattling. 10 LEONATO Then half Signior Benedick’s tongue in Count John’s mouth, and half Count John’s melancholy in Signior Benedick’s face— BEATRICE With a good leg and a good foot, uncle, and money enough in his purse, such a man would win 15 any woman in the world if he could get her goodwill.	Leonato, Antonio, Beatrice, Hero, and their attendants have finished dinner and are preparing for the postprandial (= after a meal) masquerade ball. Leonato notes that the sour Don John wasn’t at dinner, and Beatrice hijacks the conversation, as usual, to talk about Benedick, because she really, really doesn’t care about him—and a good way to show it is to talk about him all the time. Beatrice says if a man could be halfway between Don John’s quietness and Benedick’s constant chatter, and rich, and handsome, he could have any woman in the world.
LEONATO By my troth, niece, thou wilt never get thee a husband if thou be so shrewd of thy tongue. LEONATO’S BROTHER In faith, she’s too curst. 20 BEATRICE Too curst is more than curst. I shall lessen God’s sending that way, for it is said “God sends a curst cow short horns,” but to a cow too curst, he sends none. LEONATO So, by being too curst, God will send you no 25 horns. BEATRICE Just, if He send me no husband, for the which blessing I am at Him upon my knees every morning and evening. Lord, I could not endure a husband with a beard on his face. I had rather lie in 30 the woolen! LEONATO You may light on a husband that hath no beard. BEATRICE What should I do with him? Dress him in my apparel and make him my waiting gentlewoman? 35 He that hath a beard is more than a youth, and he that hath no beard is less than a man; and he that is more than a youth is not for me, and he that is less than a man, I am not for him. Therefore I will even take sixpence in earnest of the bearherd, and lead 40 his apes into hell. LEONATO Well then, go you into hell? BEATRICE No, but to the gate, and there will the devil meet me like an old cuckold with horns on his head, and say “Get you to heaven, Beatrice, get you 45 to heaven; here’s no place for you maids.” So deliver I up my apes and away to Saint Peter; for the heavens, he shows me where the bachelors sit, and there live we as merry as the day is long.	Both Leonato and his Brother say Beatrice will never get a man—she's too saucy. Beatrice points out that any man God would send her might as well come with his pair of cuckold’s horns attached. She's got a roving eye. Anyway, she says she’s too picky to get a man: she thinks men with beards are too old and itchy, and men without beards might as well dress up in her women’s clothes. Beatrice says she doesn't mind being single. Her uncle, Leonato, then unhelpfully adds that perhaps she’ll go to hell, which was rumored to be the destination for old maids. That's fine, too, Beatrice says. The devil would be sure to send her up to heaven, and in heaven, St. Peter would direct her to where all the single ladies hang out. She'd sit around with her fellow bachelors (a gender neutral term in Shakespeare's day) and they'd have a merry old time.
LEONATO’S BROTHER, to Hero Well, niece, I trust you 50 will be ruled by your father. BEATRICE Yes, faith, it is my cousin’s duty to make curtsy and say “Father, as it please you.” But yet for all that, cousin, let him be a handsome fellow, or else make another curtsy and say “Father, as it 55 please me.” LEONATO Well, niece, I hope to see you one day fitted with a husband. BEATRICE Not till God make men of some other metal than earth. Would it not grieve a woman to be 60 overmastered with a piece of valiant dust? To make an account of her life to a clod of wayward marl? No, uncle, I’ll none. Adam’s sons are my brethren, and truly I hold it a sin to match in my kindred. LEONATO, to Hero Daughter, remember what I told 65 you. If the Prince do solicit you in that kind, you know your answer. BEATRICE The fault will be in the music, cousin, if you be not wooed in good time. If the Prince be too important, tell him there is measure in everything, 70 and so dance out the answer. For hear me, Hero, wooing, wedding, and repenting is as a Scotch jig, a measure, and a cinquepace. The first suit is hot and hasty like a Scotch jig, and full as fantastical; the wedding, mannerly modest as a measure, full of 75 state and ancientry; and then comes repentance, and with his bad legs falls into the cinquepace faster and faster till he sink into his grave. LEONATO Cousin, you apprehend passing shrewdly. BEATRICE I have a good eye, uncle; I can see a church 80 by daylight. LEONATO The revelers are entering, brother. Make good room. Leonato and his brother step aside.	The talk turns to Hero’s impending marriage. Leonato still thinks that Don Pedro, and not Claudio, will be the one to try and court Hero, because of the (mis)information he got from Antonio’s servant. It’s clear that Leonato has already given Hero a good talking to about what her answer should be if Don Pedro proposes marriage to her. Beatrice adds the helpful advice that "wooing, wedding, and repenting" correspond to three different kinds of dances. Wooing is like a Scotch jig—fast and fun. The process of wedding is a slow, stately affair, and the state of being married requires the liveliest dance of all, because one regrets the decision to marry and backtracks on fast legs all the way into the grave. The masked party goers approach and break up the talk about Hero’s marriage. (You should note everyone except Hero has added their two cents about the whole affair.)
Enter, with a Drum, Prince Pedro, Claudio, and Benedick, Signior Antonio, and Balthasar, all in masks, with Borachio and Don John. PRINCE, to Hero Lady, will you walk a bout with your friend? They begin to dance. 85 HERO So you walk softly, and look sweetly, and say nothing, I am yours for the walk, and especially when I walk away. PRINCE With me in your company? HERO I may say so when I please. 90 PRINCE And when please you to say so? HERO When I like your favor, for God defend the lute should be like the case. PRINCE My visor is Philemon’s roof; within the house is Jove. 95 HERO Why, then, your visor should be thatched. PRINCE Speak low if you speak love. They move aside; Benedick and Margaret move forward. BENEDICK, to Margaret Well, I would you did like me. MARGARET So would not I for your own sake, for I have many ill qualities. 100 BENEDICK Which is one? MARGARET I say my prayers aloud. BENEDICK I love you the better; the hearers may cry “Amen.” MARGARET God match me with a good dancer. 105 They separate; Benedick moves aside; Balthasar moves forward. BALTHASAR Amen. MARGARET And God keep him out of my sight when the dance is done. Answer, clerk. BALTHASAR No more words. The clerk is answered. They move aside; Ursula and Antonio move forward. URSULA I know you well enough. You are Signior 110 Antonio. ANTONIO At a word, I am not. URSULA I know you by the waggling of your head. ANTONIO To tell you true, I counterfeit him. URSULA You could never do him so ill-well unless you 115 were the very man. Here’s his dry hand up and down. You are he, you are he. ANTONIO At a word, I am not. URSULA Come, come, do you think I do not know you by your excellent wit? Can virtue hide itself? Go to, 120 mum, you are he. Graces will appear, and there’s an end. They move aside; Benedick and Beatrice move forward.	The ball begins and everyone breaks off into pairs. The men are masked and the women are guessing at their identities. A disguised Prince Don Pedro pairs with Hero, flirtatiously talking of love. Then Benedick tries to chat up Margaret, Hero’s maid. NOTE: There's a bit of musical chairs with the pairings here, depending what edition of the play you have. Some editions have Borachio speaking the lines attributed to Benedick in the Folger edition; others have Balthasar. In this edition, Margaret dismisses Benedick when she says "God match me with a good dance partner," and Balthasar steps in to answer her plea. And when Margaret mentions dancing? She means sex. Next up, Ursula is paired off with the playful Antonio (Leonato's brother). This warm-your-heart moment is interrupted by Benedick and Beatrice, who have been paired together. Shocker.
BEATRICE Will you not tell me who told you so? BENEDICK No, you shall pardon me. BEATRICE Nor will you not tell me who you are? 125 BENEDICK Not now. BEATRICE That I was disdainful, and that I had my good wit out of "The Hundred Merry Tales!" Well, this was Signior Benedick that said so. BENEDICK What’s he? 130 BEATRICE I am sure you know him well enough. BENEDICK Not I, believe me. BEATRICE Did he never make you laugh? BENEDICK I pray you, what is he? BEATRICE Why, he is the Prince’s jester, a very dull 135 fool; only his gift is in devising impossible slanders. None but libertines delight in him, and the commendation is not in his wit but in his villainy, for he both pleases men and angers them, and then they laugh at him and beat him. I am sure he is in the 140 fleet.I would he had boarded me. BENEDICK When I know the gentleman, I’ll tell him what you say. BEATRICE Do, do. He’ll but break a comparison or two on me, which peradventure not marked or not 145 laughed at strikes him into melancholy, and then there’s a partridge wing saved, for the fool will eat no supper that night. Music for the dance. We must follow the leaders. BENEDICK In every good thing. 150 BEATRICE Nay, if they lead to any ill, I will leave them at the next turning.	Beatrice's mystery partner says he's been told that she gets all of her wit straight out of a bad joke book. She says, "Oh, you must have heard that from Benedick. That sounds like something he'd say." Benedick, who won’t reveal his identity, pretends not to know who she's talking about, so Beatrice launches into a description of him. She calls a fool and says his main talent is coming up with outrageous insults. He's good at making people laugh at the expense of others, which both amuses and angers them. She then adds that she knows he's here somewhere and she wishes he'd had the courage to match wits with her directly. (Hint, hint. She likely knows exactly who she's talking to.) Benedick, still hiding behind his mask, says if he sees this guy, he'll tell him what she said. "Go ahead," Beatrice tells him. Benedick will try to make a joke out of it, but if no one laughs, he'll get pouty because he's an attention monger.
Dance. Then exit all except Don John, Borachio, and Claudio. DON JOHN, to Borachio Sure my brother is amorous on Hero, and hath withdrawn her father to break with him about it. The ladies follow her, and but one 155 visor remains. BORACHIO And that is Claudio. I know him by his bearing. DON JOHN, to Claudio Are not you Signior Benedick? CLAUDIO You know me well. I am he. 160 DON JOHN Signior, you are very near my brother in his love. He is enamored on Hero. I pray you dissuade him from her. She is no equal for his birth. You may do the part of an honest man in it. CLAUDIO How know you he loves her? 165 DON JOHN I heard him swear his affection. BORACHIO So did I too, and he swore he would marry her tonight. DON JOHN Come, let us to the banquet. They exit. Claudio remains.	After a bit of dancing, just about everyone leaves. Don John asks his man Borachio to identify the one other guy who's hanging behind. Borachio recognizes Claudio by the way he carries himself, and tells Don John so. Don John saunters over to Claudio, knowing full well who he is, and says, "Are you Benedick?" Claudio, still in his mask, walks right into Don John's trap. He says, "Yeah, I'm Benedick," and Don John tells him that he heard Don Pedro swear his affection for Hero, and his intention to marry her that very night. He tells "Benedick" he doesn't think Hero is good enough for his brother the Prince (Don Pedro), and that as a good friend, "Benedick" should convince Don Pedro to look for love somewhere else.
CLAUDIO, unmasking Thus answer I in name of Benedick, 170 But hear these ill news with the ears of Claudio. ’Tis certain so. The Prince woos for himself. Friendship is constant in all other things Save in the office and affairs of love. Therefore all hearts in love use their own tongues. 175 Let every eye negotiate for itself And trust no agent, for beauty is a witch Against whose charms faith melteth into blood. This is an accident of hourly proof, Which I mistrusted not. Farewell therefore, Hero. 180	Claudio believes Don John hook, line, and sinker, and is heartbroken that his friend has deceived him and gone courting Hero for himself. Claudio says he should’ve known friendship couldn’t withstand love. He should’ve talked to Hero himself, and he's kicking himself for not doing it now. But that's that. Goodbye, Hero.
Enter Benedick. BENEDICK Count Claudio? CLAUDIO Yea, the same. BENEDICK Come, will you go with me? CLAUDIO Whither? BENEDICK Even to the next willow, about your own 185 business, county. What fashion will you wear the garland of? About your neck like an usurer’s chain? Or under your arm like a lieutenant’s scarf? You must wear it one way, for the Prince hath got your Hero. 190 CLAUDIO I wish him joy of her. BENEDICK Why, that’s spoken like an honest drover; so they sell bullocks. But did you think the Prince would have served you thus? CLAUDIO I pray you, leave me. 195 BENEDICK Ho, now you strike like the blind man. ’Twas the boy that stole your meat, and you’ll beat the post. CLAUDIO If it will not be, I’ll leave you. He exits.	Benedick enters with ample salt to rub in young Claudio’s new wound. He teases that Claudio will have to wear a garland of willow (representing unrequited love) because Don Pedro has stolen away Hero. Claudio, heartbroken, has no patience to jest with Benedick, and quickly leaves.
BENEDICK Alas, poor hurt fowl, now will he creep into 200 sedges. But that my Lady Beatrice should know me, and not know me! The Prince’s fool! Ha, it may be I go under that title because I am merry. Yea, but so I am apt to do myself wrong. I am not so reputed! It is the base, though bitter, disposition of Beatrice 205 that puts the world into her person and so gives me out. Well, I’ll be revenged as I may. Enter the Prince, Hero, and Leonato. PRINCE Now, signior, where’s the Count? Did you see him? BENEDICK Troth, my lord, I have played the part of 210 Lady Fame. I found him here as melancholy as a lodge in a warren. I told him, and I think I told him true, that your Grace had got the goodwill of this young lady, and I offered him my company to a willow tree, either to make him a garland, as being 215 forsaken, or to bind him up a rod, as being worthy to be whipped. PRINCE To be whipped? What’s his fault? BENEDICK The flat transgression of a schoolboy who, being overjoyed with finding a bird’s nest, shows it 220 his companion, and he steals it. PRINCE Wilt thou make a trust a transgression? The transgression is in the stealer. BENEDICK Yet it had not been amiss the rod had been made, and the garland too, for the garland he 225 might have worn himself, and the rod he might have bestowed on you, who, as I take it, have stolen his bird’s nest. PRINCE I will but teach them to sing and restore them to the owner. 230 BENEDICK If their singing answer your saying, by my faith, you say honestly.	Alone, Benedick rankles at the tongue-lashing he received from Beatrice while he was her disguised dance partner. He decides he brings this kind of censure on himself, as he probably isn’t taken too seriously because he acts so silly all the time. Still, this is only Beatrice’s opinion, and he reasons it might not be shared by the whole world. The Prince, Don Pedro, breaks up Benedick’s intimate thoughts about himself. He's looking for Claudio, and has found Benedick instead. Benedick explains that Claudio mourns because Don Pedro seems to have stolen his Hero. Don Pedro, who’s more sensible than the whole lot of idiots, says he was simply going through with the plan, and that he has secured Hero for Claudio.
PRINCE The Lady Beatrice hath a quarrel to you. The gentleman that danced with her told her she is much wronged by you. 235 BENEDICK O, she misused me past the endurance of a block! An oak but with one green leaf on it would have answered her. My very visor began to assume life and scold with her. She told me, not thinking I had been myself, that I was the Prince’s jester, that I 240 was duller than a great thaw, huddling jest upon jest with such impossible conveyance upon me that I stood like a man at a mark with a whole army shooting at me. She speaks poniards, and every word stabs. If her breath were as terrible as her 245 terminations, there were no living near her; she would infect to the North Star. I would not marry her though she were endowed with all that Adam had left him before he transgressed. She would have made Hercules have turned spit, yea, and have cleft 250 his club to make the fire, too. Come, talk not of her. You shall find her the infernal Ate in good apparel. I would to God some scholar would conjure her, for certainly, while she is here, a man may live as quiet in hell as in a sanctuary, and people sin upon 255 purpose because they would go thither. So indeed all disquiet, horror, and perturbation follows her.	With the Hero/Claudio matter cleared up (at least for the Prince and Benedick), Don Pedro tells Benedick that Lady Beatrice is upset with him because of what her mystery man told her during the masquerade. Benedick rails about how rude and insulting Beatrice was and says he wouldn’t marry her if she were Eve before the Fall. With Beatrice on earth, he says, hell seems a relaxing alternative. (Ouch.)
Enter Claudio and Beatrice. PRINCE Look, here she comes. BENEDICK Will your Grace command me any service to the world’s end? I will go on the slightest errand 260 now to the Antipodes that you can devise to send me on. I will fetch you a toothpicker now from the furthest inch of Asia, bring you the length of Prester John’s foot, fetch you a hair off the great Cham’s beard, do you any embassage to the Pygmies, rather 265 than hold three words’ conference with this harpy. You have no employment for me? PRINCE None but to desire your good company. BENEDICK O God, sir, here’s a dish I love not! I cannot endure my Lady Tongue. 270 He exits. PRINCE, to Beatrice Come, lady, come, you have lost the heart of Signior Benedick. BEATRICE Indeed, my lord, he lent it me awhile, and I gave him use for it, a double heart for his single one. Marry, once before he won it of me with false 275 dice. Therefore your Grace may well say I have lost it. PRINCE You have put him down, lady, you have put him down. BEATRICE So I would not he should do me, my lord, 280 lest I should prove the mother of fools. I have brought Count Claudio, whom you sent me to seek.	Beatrice approaches with Claudio, Leonato, and Hero. Benedick begs to be excused. He’d rather bring back a toothpick from the farthest corner of Asia than deal with Beatrice. Getting no sympathy from Don Pedro, Benedick rushes off. Prince Don Pedro notes his hasty departure, and Beatrice once again alludes to some relationship it seems they had (and lost) in the past.
PRINCE Why, how now, count, wherefore are you sad? CLAUDIO Not sad, my lord. PRINCE How then, sick? 285 CLAUDIO Neither, my lord. BEATRICE The Count is neither sad, nor sick, nor merry, nor well, but civil count, civil as an orange, and something of that jealous complexion. PRINCE I’ faith, lady, I think your blazon to be true, 290 though I’ll be sworn, if he be so, his conceit is false.—Here, Claudio, I have wooed in thy name, and fair Hero is won. I have broke with her father and his goodwill obtained. Name the day of marriage, and God give thee joy. 295 LEONATO Count, take of me my daughter, and with her my fortunes. His Grace hath made the match, and all grace say “Amen” to it. BEATRICE Speak, count, ’tis your cue. CLAUDIO Silence is the perfectest herald of joy. I were 300 but little happy if I could say how much.—Lady, as you are mine, I am yours. I give away myself for you and dote upon the exchange. BEATRICE Speak, cousin, or, if you cannot, stop his mouth with a kiss and let not him speak neither. 305	All attention then turns to Claudio, who is sulking around looking generally morose, despite claiming to be neither sad nor sick. Beatrice teases that he looks civil as an orange (punning on the fact that oranges from Seville, which sounds like "civil," were rather bitter. Also, orange is close to yellow, and yellow was a color associated with jealousy. That’s a lot to put into a pun, we know.) Claudio won’t confess what’s wrong, so Don Pedro announces he has wooed Hero, but wooed her in Claudio’s name. Good news! Hero has accepted Claudio, Leonato has agreed to the marriage, and now they just need to call a wedding planner and get registered at Bed, Bath & Beyond. Claudio claims he’s struck dumb by his happiness, but manages to say he's happy to give himself to Hero. Hero is also dumbstruck, so Beatrice says that she should just kiss Claudio to stop him from talking, too.
PRINCE In faith, lady, you have a merry heart. BEATRICE Yea, my lord. I thank it, poor fool, it keeps on the windy side of care. My cousin tells him in his ear that he is in her heart. CLAUDIO And so she doth, cousin. 310 BEATRICE Good Lord for alliance! Thus goes everyone to the world but I, and I am sunburnt. I may sit in a corner and cry “Heigh-ho for a husband!” PRINCE Lady Beatrice, I will get you one. BEATRICE I would rather have one of your father’s 315 getting. Hath your Grace ne’er a brother like you? Your father got excellent husbands, if a maid could come by them. PRINCE Will you have me, lady? BEATRICE No, my lord, unless I might have another for 320 working days. Your Grace is too costly to wear every day. But I beseech your Grace pardon me. I was born to speak all mirth and no matter. PRINCE Your silence most offends me, and to be merry best becomes you, for out o’ question you were 325 born in a merry hour. BEATRICE No, sure, my lord, my mother cried, but then there was a star danced, and under that was I born.—Cousins, God give you joy! LEONATO Niece, will you look to those things I told 330 you of? BEATRICE I cry you mercy, uncle.—By your Grace’s pardon. Beatrice exits.	Don Pedro applauds Beatrice for encouraging all this kissing and notes that she’s rather merry for being an embittered old maid. And by the way...he could get Beatrice a husband if she wants one. Beatrice responds that she quite likes the children of Don Pedro’s father. She inquires whether Don Pedro’s father maybe has any other sons. We call this leading Don Pedro on. Don Pedro takes the bait, and basically says, "Well… you could marry me…" Beatrice laughs and says she’s too full of silliness to marry someone as dignified and lovely as Don Pedro. Don Pedro says he wouldn’t have Beatrice any other way, as she’s best when she’s silly. He says she must’ve been born during a merry hour. Beatrice counters that her mother actually cried as she was giving birth to her, but a star danced, and then Beatrice was born. At this point, Beatrice is sent off by Leonato to tend to some woman-stuff.
PRINCE By my troth, a pleasant-spirited lady. LEONATO There’s little of the melancholy element in 335 her, my lord. She is never sad but when she sleeps, and not ever sad then, for I have heard my daughter say she hath often dreamt of unhappiness and waked herself with laughing. PRINCE She cannot endure to hear tell of a husband. 340 LEONATO O, by no means. She mocks all her wooers out of suit. PRINCE She were an excellent wife for Benedick. LEONATO O Lord, my lord, if they were but a week married, they would talk themselves mad. 345 PRINCE County Claudio, when mean you to go to church? CLAUDIO Tomorrow, my lord. Time goes on crutches till love have all his rites. LEONATO Not till Monday, my dear son, which is hence 350 a just sevennight, and a time too brief, too, to have all things answer my mind.	Leonato and Prince Don Pedro chat about how Beatrice is a wonderful, warm girl, though she mocks all of her suitors into oblivion, and it seems she will never marry. Don Pedro wonders what man could handle Beatrice’s wit, and declares then and there that Benedick should marry Beatrice (and that the world is round, and night comes after day, and Don Pedro is Conductor of the Obvious Train). Don Pedro asks when Claudio means to marry Hero, and Claudio essentially replies: "Tomorrow isn’t even soon enough." Leonato tells Claudio to hold his horses. The wedding will be in a week, and even that’s not enough time for Leonato to properly interrogate Claudio, but so be it.
PRINCE, to Claudio Come, you shake the head at so long a breathing, but I warrant thee, Claudio, the time shall not go dully by us. I will in the interim 355 undertake one of Hercules’ labors, which is to bring Signior Benedick and the Lady Beatrice into a mountain of affection, th’ one with th’ other. I would fain have it a match, and I doubt not but to fashion it, if you three will but minister such 360 assistance as I shall give you direction. LEONATO My lord, I am for you, though it cost me ten nights’ watchings. CLAUDIO And I, my lord. PRINCE And you too, gentle Hero? 365 HERO I will do any modest office, my lord, to help my cousin to a good husband. PRINCE And Benedick is not the unhopefullest husband that I know. Thus far can I praise him: he is of a noble strain, of approved valor, and confirmed 370 honesty. I will teach you how to humor your cousin that she shall fall in love with Benedick.— And I, with your two helps, will so practice on Benedick that, in despite of his quick wit and his queasy stomach, he shall fall in love with Beatrice. 375 If we can do this, Cupid is no longer an archer; his glory shall be ours, for we are the only love gods. Go in with me, and I will tell you my drift. They exit.	Prince Don Pedro, ever the peacemaker, says the week will go by quickly because they’ll all be having so much fun with a new little scheme. He knows how to work on Benedick, and can teach the girls how to work on Beatrice. All in all, Don Pedro plans to get Benedick and Beatrice to fall in love, and he'd appreciate a little help from everyone. Leonato, Claudio, and Hero agree to manipulate and deceive their friends into falling in love with each other.

Original Text

Translated Text

Source: Folger Shakespeare Library

Enter Leonato, his brother, Hero his daughter, and
Beatrice his niece, with Ursula and Margaret.

LEONATO Was not Count John here at supper?

LEONATO’S BROTHER I saw him not.

BEATRICE How tartly that gentleman looks! I never
can see him but I am heartburned an hour after.

HERO He is of a very melancholy disposition. 5

BEATRICE He were an excellent man that were made
just in the midway between him and Benedick. The
one is too like an image and says nothing, and the
other too like my lady’s eldest son, evermore
tattling. 10

LEONATO Then half Signior Benedick’s tongue in
Count John’s mouth, and half Count John’s melancholy
in Signior Benedick’s face—

BEATRICE With a good leg and a good foot, uncle, and
money enough in his purse, such a man would win 15
any woman in the world if he could get her
goodwill.

Leonato, Antonio, Beatrice, Hero, and their attendants have finished dinner and are preparing for the postprandial (= after a meal) masquerade ball.

Leonato notes that the sour Don John wasn’t at dinner, and Beatrice hijacks the conversation, as usual, to talk about Benedick, because she really, really doesn’t care about him—and a good way to show it is to talk about him all the time.

Beatrice says if a man could be halfway between Don John’s quietness and Benedick’s constant chatter, and rich, and handsome, he could have any woman in the world.

LEONATO By my troth, niece, thou wilt never get thee a
husband if thou be so shrewd of thy tongue.

LEONATO’S BROTHER In faith, she’s too curst. 20

BEATRICE Too curst is more than curst. I shall lessen
God’s sending that way, for it is said “God sends a
curst cow short horns,” but to a cow too curst, he
sends none.

LEONATO So, by being too curst, God will send you no 25
horns.

BEATRICE Just, if He send me no husband, for the
which blessing I am at Him upon my knees every
morning and evening. Lord, I could not endure a
husband with a beard on his face. I had rather lie in 30
the woolen!

LEONATO You may light on a husband that hath no
beard.

BEATRICE What should I do with him? Dress him in my
apparel and make him my waiting gentlewoman? 35
He that hath a beard is more than a youth, and he
that hath no beard is less than a man; and he that is
more than a youth is not for me, and he that is less
than a man, I am not for him. Therefore I will even
take sixpence in earnest of the bearherd, and lead 40
his apes into hell.

LEONATO Well then, go you into hell?

BEATRICE No, but to the gate, and there will the devil
meet me like an old cuckold with horns on his
head, and say “Get you to heaven, Beatrice, get you 45
to heaven; here’s no place for you maids.” So deliver
I up my apes and away to Saint Peter; for the
heavens, he shows me where the bachelors sit, and
there live we as merry as the day is long.

Both Leonato and his Brother say Beatrice will never get a man—she's too saucy.

Beatrice points out that any man God would send her might as well come with his pair of cuckold’s horns attached. She's got a roving eye. Anyway, she says she’s too picky to get a man: she thinks men with beards are too old and itchy, and men without beards might as well dress up in her women’s clothes.

Beatrice says she doesn't mind being single. Her uncle, Leonato, then unhelpfully adds that perhaps she’ll go to hell, which was rumored to be the destination for old maids.

That's fine, too, Beatrice says. The devil would be sure to send her up to heaven, and in heaven, St. Peter would direct her to where all the single ladies hang out. She'd sit around with her fellow bachelors (a gender neutral term in Shakespeare's day) and they'd have a merry old time.

LEONATO’S BROTHER, to Hero Well, niece, I trust you 50
will be ruled by your father.

BEATRICE Yes, faith, it is my cousin’s duty to make
curtsy and say “Father, as it please you.” But yet for
all that, cousin, let him be a handsome fellow, or
else make another curtsy and say “Father, as it 55
please me.”

LEONATO Well, niece, I hope to see you one day fitted
with a husband.

BEATRICE Not till God make men of some other metal
than earth. Would it not grieve a woman to be 60
overmastered with a piece of valiant dust? To make
an account of her life to a clod of wayward marl?
No, uncle, I’ll none. Adam’s sons are my brethren,
and truly I hold it a sin to match in my kindred.

LEONATO, to Hero Daughter, remember what I told 65
you. If the Prince do solicit you in that kind, you
know your answer.

BEATRICE The fault will be in the music, cousin, if you
be not wooed in good time. If the Prince be too
important, tell him there is measure in everything, 70
and so dance out the answer. For hear me, Hero,
wooing, wedding, and repenting is as a Scotch jig, a
measure, and a cinquepace. The first suit is hot and
hasty like a Scotch jig, and full as fantastical; the
wedding, mannerly modest as a measure, full of 75
state and ancientry; and then comes repentance,
and with his bad legs falls into the cinquepace faster
and faster till he sink into his grave.

LEONATO Cousin, you apprehend passing shrewdly.

BEATRICE I have a good eye, uncle; I can see a church 80
by daylight.

LEONATO The revelers are entering, brother. Make
good room.

Leonato and his brother step aside.

The talk turns to Hero’s impending marriage.

Leonato still thinks that Don Pedro, and not Claudio, will be the one to try and court Hero, because of the (mis)information he got from Antonio’s servant. It’s clear that Leonato has already given Hero a good talking to about what her answer should be if Don Pedro proposes marriage to her.

Beatrice adds the helpful advice that "wooing, wedding, and repenting" correspond to three different kinds of dances. Wooing is like a Scotch jig—fast and fun. The process of wedding is a slow, stately affair, and the state of being married requires the liveliest dance of all, because one regrets the decision to marry and backtracks on fast legs all the way into the grave.

The masked party goers approach and break up the talk about Hero’s marriage. (You should note everyone except Hero has added their two cents about the whole affair.)

Enter, with a Drum, Prince Pedro, Claudio, and
Benedick, Signior Antonio, and Balthasar, all in
masks, with Borachio and Don John.

PRINCE, to Hero Lady, will you walk a bout with your
friend? They begin to dance. 85

HERO So you walk softly, and look sweetly, and say
nothing, I am yours for the walk, and especially
when I walk away.

PRINCE With me in your company?

HERO I may say so when I please. 90

PRINCE And when please you to say so?

HERO When I like your favor, for God defend the lute
should be like the case.

PRINCE My visor is Philemon’s roof; within the house
is Jove. 95

HERO Why, then, your visor should be thatched.

PRINCE Speak low if you speak love.

They move aside;
Benedick and Margaret move forward.

BENEDICK, to Margaret Well, I would you did like me.

MARGARET So would not I for your own sake, for I have
many ill qualities. 100

BENEDICK Which is one?

MARGARET I say my prayers aloud.

BENEDICK I love you the better; the hearers may cry
“Amen.”

MARGARET God match me with a good dancer. 105

They separate; Benedick moves aside;
Balthasar moves forward.

BALTHASAR Amen.

MARGARET And God keep him out of my sight when the
dance is done. Answer, clerk.

BALTHASAR No more words. The clerk is answered.

They move aside;
Ursula and Antonio move forward.

URSULA I know you well enough. You are Signior 110
Antonio.

ANTONIO At a word, I am not.

URSULA I know you by the waggling of your head.

ANTONIO To tell you true, I counterfeit him.

URSULA You could never do him so ill-well unless you 115
were the very man. Here’s his dry hand up and
down. You are he, you are he.

ANTONIO At a word, I am not.

URSULA Come, come, do you think I do not know you
by your excellent wit? Can virtue hide itself? Go to, 120
mum, you are he. Graces will appear, and there’s an
end.

They move aside;
Benedick and Beatrice move forward.

The ball begins and everyone breaks off into pairs. The men are masked and the women are guessing at their identities.

A disguised Prince Don Pedro pairs with Hero, flirtatiously talking of love.

Then Benedick tries to chat up Margaret, Hero’s maid.

NOTE: There's a bit of musical chairs with the pairings here, depending what edition of the play you have. Some editions have Borachio speaking the lines attributed to Benedick in the Folger edition; others have Balthasar.

In this edition, Margaret dismisses Benedick when she says "God match me with a good dance partner," and Balthasar steps in to answer her plea. And when Margaret mentions dancing? She means sex.

Next up, Ursula is paired off with the playful Antonio (Leonato's brother). This warm-your-heart moment is interrupted by Benedick and Beatrice, who have been paired together. Shocker.

BEATRICE Will you not tell me who told you so?

BENEDICK No, you shall pardon me.

BEATRICE Nor will you not tell me who you are? 125

BENEDICK Not now.

BEATRICE That I was disdainful, and that I had my
good wit out of "The Hundred Merry Tales!" Well, this
was Signior Benedick that said so.

BENEDICK What’s he? 130

BEATRICE I am sure you know him well enough.

BENEDICK Not I, believe me.

BEATRICE Did he never make you laugh?

BENEDICK I pray you, what is he?

BEATRICE Why, he is the Prince’s jester, a very dull 135
fool; only his gift is in devising impossible slanders.
None but libertines delight in him, and the commendation
is not in his wit but in his villainy, for he
both pleases men and angers them, and then they
laugh at him and beat him. I am sure he is in the 140
fleet.I would he had boarded me.

BENEDICK When I know the gentleman, I’ll tell him
what you say.

BEATRICE Do, do. He’ll but break a comparison or two
on me, which peradventure not marked or not 145
laughed at strikes him into melancholy, and then
there’s a partridge wing saved, for the fool will eat
no supper that night. Music for the dance. We must
follow the leaders.

BENEDICK In every good thing. 150

BEATRICE Nay, if they lead to any ill, I will leave them
at the next turning.

Beatrice's mystery partner says he's been told that she gets all of her wit straight out of a bad joke book.

She says, "Oh, you must have heard that from Benedick. That sounds like something he'd say."

Benedick, who won’t reveal his identity, pretends not to know who she's talking about, so Beatrice launches into a description of him. She calls a fool and says his main talent is coming up with outrageous insults. He's good at making people laugh at the expense of others, which both amuses and angers them.

She then adds that she knows he's here somewhere and she wishes he'd had the courage to match wits with her directly. (Hint, hint. She likely knows exactly who she's talking to.)

Benedick, still hiding behind his mask, says if he sees this guy, he'll tell him what she said.

"Go ahead," Beatrice tells him. Benedick will try to make a joke out of it, but if no one laughs, he'll get pouty because he's an attention monger.

Dance. Then exit all except
Don John, Borachio, and Claudio.

DON JOHN, to Borachio Sure my brother is amorous
on Hero, and hath withdrawn her father to break
with him about it. The ladies follow her, and but one 155
visor remains.

BORACHIO And that is Claudio. I know him by his
bearing.

DON JOHN, to Claudio Are not you Signior Benedick?

CLAUDIO You know me well. I am he. 160

DON JOHN Signior, you are very near my brother in his
love. He is enamored on Hero. I pray you dissuade
him from her. She is no equal for his birth. You
may do the part of an honest man in it.

CLAUDIO How know you he loves her? 165

DON JOHN I heard him swear his affection.

BORACHIO So did I too, and he swore he would marry
her tonight.

DON JOHN Come, let us to the banquet.

They exit. Claudio remains.

After a bit of dancing, just about everyone leaves. Don John asks his man Borachio to identify the one other guy who's hanging behind. Borachio recognizes Claudio by the way he carries himself, and tells Don John so.

Don John saunters over to Claudio, knowing full well who he is, and says, "Are you Benedick?"

Claudio, still in his mask, walks right into Don John's trap. He says, "Yeah, I'm Benedick," and Don John tells him that he heard Don Pedro swear his affection for Hero, and his intention to marry her that very night. He tells "Benedick" he doesn't think Hero is good enough for his brother the Prince (Don Pedro), and that as a good friend, "Benedick" should convince Don Pedro to look for love somewhere else.

CLAUDIO, unmasking
Thus answer I in name of Benedick, 170
But hear these ill news with the ears of Claudio.
’Tis certain so. The Prince woos for himself.
Friendship is constant in all other things
Save in the office and affairs of love.
Therefore all hearts in love use their own tongues. 175
Let every eye negotiate for itself
And trust no agent, for beauty is a witch
Against whose charms faith melteth into blood.
This is an accident of hourly proof,
Which I mistrusted not. Farewell therefore, Hero. 180

Claudio believes Don John hook, line, and sinker, and is heartbroken that his friend has deceived him and gone courting Hero for himself.

Claudio says he should’ve known friendship couldn’t withstand love. He should’ve talked to Hero himself, and he's kicking himself for not doing it now. But that's that.

Goodbye, Hero.

Enter Benedick.

BENEDICK Count Claudio?

CLAUDIO Yea, the same.

BENEDICK Come, will you go with me?

CLAUDIO Whither?

BENEDICK Even to the next willow, about your own 185
business, county. What fashion will you wear the
garland of? About your neck like an usurer’s chain?
Or under your arm like a lieutenant’s scarf? You
must wear it one way, for the Prince hath got your
Hero. 190

CLAUDIO I wish him joy of her.

BENEDICK Why, that’s spoken like an honest drover; so
they sell bullocks. But did you think the Prince
would have served you thus?

CLAUDIO I pray you, leave me. 195

BENEDICK Ho, now you strike like the blind man.
’Twas the boy that stole your meat, and you’ll beat
the post.

CLAUDIO If it will not be, I’ll leave you.

He exits.

Benedick enters with ample salt to rub in young Claudio’s new wound. He teases that Claudio will have to wear a garland of willow (representing unrequited love) because Don Pedro has stolen away Hero.

Claudio, heartbroken, has no patience to jest with Benedick, and quickly leaves.

BENEDICK Alas, poor hurt fowl, now will he creep into 200
sedges. But that my Lady Beatrice should know
me, and not know me! The Prince’s fool! Ha, it may
be I go under that title because I am merry. Yea, but
so I am apt to do myself wrong. I am not so reputed!
It is the base, though bitter, disposition of Beatrice 205
that puts the world into her person and so gives me
out. Well, I’ll be revenged as I may.

Enter the Prince, Hero, and Leonato.

PRINCE Now, signior, where’s the Count? Did you see
him?

BENEDICK Troth, my lord, I have played the part of 210
Lady Fame. I found him here as melancholy as a
lodge in a warren. I told him, and I think I told him
true, that your Grace had got the goodwill of this
young lady, and I offered him my company to a
willow tree, either to make him a garland, as being 215
forsaken, or to bind him up a rod, as being worthy to
be whipped.

PRINCE To be whipped? What’s his fault?

BENEDICK The flat transgression of a schoolboy who,
being overjoyed with finding a bird’s nest, shows it 220
his companion, and he steals it.

PRINCE Wilt thou make a trust a transgression? The
transgression is in the stealer.

BENEDICK Yet it had not been amiss the rod had been
made, and the garland too, for the garland he 225
might have worn himself, and the rod he might
have bestowed on you, who, as I take it, have stolen
his bird’s nest.

PRINCE I will but teach them to sing and restore them
to the owner. 230

BENEDICK If their singing answer your saying, by my
faith, you say honestly.

Alone, Benedick rankles at the tongue-lashing he received from Beatrice while he was her disguised dance partner. He decides he brings this kind of censure on himself, as he probably isn’t taken too seriously because he acts so silly all the time. Still, this is only Beatrice’s opinion, and he reasons it might not be shared by the whole world.

The Prince, Don Pedro, breaks up Benedick’s intimate thoughts about himself. He's looking for Claudio, and has found Benedick instead. Benedick explains that Claudio mourns because Don Pedro seems to have stolen his Hero.

Don Pedro, who’s more sensible than the whole lot of idiots, says he was simply going through with the plan, and that he has secured Hero for Claudio.

PRINCE The Lady Beatrice hath a quarrel to you. The
gentleman that danced with her told her she is
much wronged by you. 235

BENEDICK O, she misused me past the endurance of a
block! An oak but with one green leaf on it would
have answered her. My very visor began to assume
life and scold with her. She told me, not thinking I
had been myself, that I was the Prince’s jester, that I 240
was duller than a great thaw, huddling jest upon jest
with such impossible conveyance upon me that I
stood like a man at a mark with a whole army
shooting at me. She speaks poniards, and every
word stabs. If her breath were as terrible as her 245
terminations, there were no living near her; she
would infect to the North Star. I would not marry
her though she were endowed with all that Adam
had left him before he transgressed. She would have
made Hercules have turned spit, yea, and have cleft 250
his club to make the fire, too. Come, talk not of her.
You shall find her the infernal Ate in good apparel. I
would to God some scholar would conjure her, for
certainly, while she is here, a man may live as quiet
in hell as in a sanctuary, and people sin upon 255
purpose because they would go thither. So indeed
all disquiet, horror, and perturbation follows her.

With the Hero/Claudio matter cleared up (at least for the Prince and Benedick), Don Pedro tells Benedick that Lady Beatrice is upset with him because of what her mystery man told her during the masquerade.

Benedick rails about how rude and insulting Beatrice was and says he wouldn’t marry her if she were Eve before the Fall. With Beatrice on earth, he says, hell seems a relaxing alternative. (Ouch.)

Enter Claudio and Beatrice.

PRINCE Look, here she comes.

BENEDICK Will your Grace command me any service
to the world’s end? I will go on the slightest errand 260
now to the Antipodes that you can devise to send
me on. I will fetch you a toothpicker now from the
furthest inch of Asia, bring you the length of Prester
John’s foot, fetch you a hair off the great Cham’s
beard, do you any embassage to the Pygmies, rather 265
than hold three words’ conference with this harpy.
You have no employment for me?

PRINCE None but to desire your good company.

BENEDICK O God, sir, here’s a dish I love not! I cannot
endure my Lady Tongue. 270

He exits.

PRINCE, to Beatrice Come, lady, come, you have lost
the heart of Signior Benedick.

BEATRICE Indeed, my lord, he lent it me awhile, and I
gave him use for it, a double heart for his single
one. Marry, once before he won it of me with false 275
dice. Therefore your Grace may well say I have lost
it.

PRINCE You have put him down, lady, you have put
him down.

BEATRICE So I would not he should do me, my lord, 280
lest I should prove the mother of fools. I have
brought Count Claudio, whom you sent me to seek.

Beatrice approaches with Claudio, Leonato, and Hero. Benedick begs to be excused. He’d rather bring back a toothpick from the farthest corner of Asia than deal with Beatrice.

Getting no sympathy from Don Pedro, Benedick rushes off.

Prince Don Pedro notes his hasty departure, and Beatrice once again alludes to some relationship it seems they had (and lost) in the past.

PRINCE Why, how now, count, wherefore are you sad?

CLAUDIO Not sad, my lord.

PRINCE How then, sick? 285

CLAUDIO Neither, my lord.

BEATRICE The Count is neither sad, nor sick, nor merry,
nor well, but civil count, civil as an orange, and
something of that jealous complexion.

PRINCE I’ faith, lady, I think your blazon to be true, 290
though I’ll be sworn, if he be so, his conceit is
false.—Here, Claudio, I have wooed in thy name,
and fair Hero is won. I have broke with her father
and his goodwill obtained. Name the day of marriage,
and God give thee joy. 295

LEONATO Count, take of me my daughter, and with her
my fortunes. His Grace hath made the match, and
all grace say “Amen” to it.

BEATRICE Speak, count, ’tis your cue.

CLAUDIO Silence is the perfectest herald of joy. I were 300
but little happy if I could say how much.—Lady, as
you are mine, I am yours. I give away myself for you
and dote upon the exchange.

BEATRICE Speak, cousin, or, if you cannot, stop his
mouth with a kiss and let not him speak neither. 305

All attention then turns to Claudio, who is sulking around looking generally morose, despite claiming to be neither sad nor sick.

Beatrice teases that he looks civil as an orange (punning on the fact that oranges from Seville, which sounds like "civil," were rather bitter. Also, orange is close to yellow, and yellow was a color associated with jealousy. That’s a lot to put into a pun, we know.)

Claudio won’t confess what’s wrong, so Don Pedro announces he has wooed Hero, but wooed her in Claudio’s name.

Good news! Hero has accepted Claudio, Leonato has agreed to the marriage, and now they just need to call a wedding planner and get registered at Bed, Bath & Beyond.

Claudio claims he’s struck dumb by his happiness, but manages to say he's happy to give himself to Hero.

Hero is also dumbstruck, so Beatrice says that she should just kiss Claudio to stop him from talking, too.

PRINCE In faith, lady, you have a merry heart.

BEATRICE Yea, my lord. I thank it, poor fool, it keeps on
the windy side of care. My cousin tells him in his ear
that he is in her heart.

CLAUDIO And so she doth, cousin. 310

BEATRICE Good Lord for alliance! Thus goes everyone
to the world but I, and I am sunburnt. I may sit in a
corner and cry “Heigh-ho for a husband!”

PRINCE Lady Beatrice, I will get you one.

BEATRICE I would rather have one of your father’s 315
getting. Hath your Grace ne’er a brother like you?
Your father got excellent husbands, if a maid could
come by them.

PRINCE Will you have me, lady?

BEATRICE No, my lord, unless I might have another for 320
working days. Your Grace is too costly to wear
every day. But I beseech your Grace pardon me. I
was born to speak all mirth and no matter.

PRINCE Your silence most offends me, and to be merry
best becomes you, for out o’ question you were 325
born in a merry hour.

BEATRICE No, sure, my lord, my mother cried, but then
there was a star danced, and under that was I
born.—Cousins, God give you joy!

LEONATO Niece, will you look to those things I told 330
you of?

BEATRICE I cry you mercy, uncle.—By your Grace’s
pardon.

Beatrice exits.

Don Pedro applauds Beatrice for encouraging all this kissing and notes that she’s rather merry for being an embittered old maid. And by the way...he could get Beatrice a husband if she wants one.

Beatrice responds that she quite likes the children of Don Pedro’s father. She inquires whether Don Pedro’s father maybe has any other sons. We call this leading Don Pedro on.

Don Pedro takes the bait, and basically says, "Well… you could marry me…"

Beatrice laughs and says she’s too full of silliness to marry someone as dignified and lovely as Don Pedro.

Don Pedro says he wouldn’t have Beatrice any other way, as she’s best when she’s silly. He says she must’ve been born during a merry hour.

Beatrice counters that her mother actually cried as she was giving birth to her, but a star danced, and then Beatrice was born.

At this point, Beatrice is sent off by Leonato to tend to some woman-stuff.

PRINCE By my troth, a pleasant-spirited lady.

LEONATO There’s little of the melancholy element in 335
her, my lord. She is never sad but when she sleeps,
and not ever sad then, for I have heard my daughter
say she hath often dreamt of unhappiness and
waked herself with laughing.

PRINCE She cannot endure to hear tell of a husband. 340

LEONATO O, by no means. She mocks all her wooers
out of suit.

PRINCE She were an excellent wife for Benedick.

LEONATO O Lord, my lord, if they were but a week
married, they would talk themselves mad. 345

PRINCE County Claudio, when mean you to go to
church?

CLAUDIO Tomorrow, my lord. Time goes on crutches
till love have all his rites.

LEONATO Not till Monday, my dear son, which is hence 350
a just sevennight, and a time too brief, too, to have
all things answer my mind.

Leonato and Prince Don Pedro chat about how Beatrice is a wonderful, warm girl, though she mocks all of her suitors into oblivion, and it seems she will never marry.

Don Pedro wonders what man could handle Beatrice’s wit, and declares then and there that Benedick should marry Beatrice (and that the world is round, and night comes after day, and Don Pedro is Conductor of the Obvious Train).

Don Pedro asks when Claudio means to marry Hero, and Claudio essentially replies: "Tomorrow isn’t even soon enough."

Leonato tells Claudio to hold his horses. The wedding will be in a week, and even that’s not enough time for Leonato to properly interrogate Claudio, but so be it.

PRINCE, to Claudio Come, you shake the head at so
long a breathing, but I warrant thee, Claudio, the
time shall not go dully by us. I will in the interim 355
undertake one of Hercules’ labors, which is to bring
Signior Benedick and the Lady Beatrice into a
mountain of affection, th’ one with th’ other. I
would fain have it a match, and I doubt not but to
fashion it, if you three will but minister such 360
assistance as I shall give you direction.

LEONATO My lord, I am for you, though it cost me ten
nights’ watchings.

CLAUDIO And I, my lord.

PRINCE And you too, gentle Hero? 365

HERO I will do any modest office, my lord, to help my
cousin to a good husband.

PRINCE And Benedick is not the unhopefullest husband
that I know. Thus far can I praise him: he is of
a noble strain, of approved valor, and confirmed 370
honesty. I will teach you how to humor your
cousin that she shall fall in love with Benedick.—
And I, with your two helps, will so practice on
Benedick that, in despite of his quick wit and his
queasy stomach, he shall fall in love with Beatrice. 375
If we can do this, Cupid is no longer an archer; his
glory shall be ours, for we are the only love gods. Go
in with me, and I will tell you my drift.

They exit.

Prince Don Pedro, ever the peacemaker, says the week will go by quickly because they’ll all be having so much fun with a new little scheme.

He knows how to work on Benedick, and can teach the girls how to work on Beatrice. All in all, Don Pedro plans to get Benedick and Beatrice to fall in love, and he'd appreciate a little help from everyone.

Leonato, Claudio, and Hero agree to manipulate and deceive their friends into falling in love with each other.

Much Ado About Nothing: Act 2, Scene 1 Translation

A side-by-side translation of Act 2, Scene 1 of Much Ado About Nothing from the original Shakespeare into modern English.

Original Text

Translated Text

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