Meet the Cast
Dolores Price
The Price of PainDolores Price's life is the epic-est of epic Lifetime movies. (Seriously, Lifetime—y'all should get on it.) Born in 1952 (1.2), our leading lady becomes addicted to food and tele...
Dante
More Like a Fizzle Than an Inferno When we first meet Dante, he's in a relationship with Kippy, Dolores's roommate. They're relationship is getting the long distance treatment since college began,...
Bernice Holland / Ma
Taking Its TollMa is the book's first casualty, but we'd argue that she is gone long before she actually dies. She's a victim of the 1950s society that puts women in their place (i.e. thanks, woman...
Grandma Thelma Holland
No Warm and FuzziesWhen Dolores is young, she straight-up doesn't like her Grandma, and we're not sure why. Maybe because Grandma complains all the time, about everything from how Dolores is raised...
Roberta Jaskiewicz
The Polka Princess is in Another Castle Roberta runs the Peacock Tattoo Emporium in Grandma's neighborhood, and Dolores hangs out with her to "smoke and swear" (4.70) about life because she doesn't...
Jack Speight
We Don't Want to Know JackJack Speight moves with his wife, Rita, into Grandma's third-floor apartment. Everyone—Ma, Dolores, even Grandma—falls for the "tall and blond" (5.1) disc jockey. Gran...
Thayer Kitchen
Meant to BeThayer is the man whom Dolores ends up with, but he shows up in the book at the very last minute. Fate seems to drop him right into Dolores's lap. He's in her college writing class and,...
Mr. Fabio Pucci
Life CoachMr. Pucci is Dolores's high school guidance counselor who eventually transitions to her friend, although she's such a terrible teenager that we can't imagine why he wouldn't just celebrat...
Katherine "Kippy" Strednicki
Room and BoredKippy is Dolores's roommate at Merton College and she hates our leading lady the second she sees her. If we were as obsessed with Snoopy as Kippy is (she writes on Snoopy stationery,...
Dr. Shaw
Doctor DearestDolores's third psychotherapist at Gracewood (she scares the other two away), Dr. Shaw helps her achieve some major breakthroughs: She loses weight, ditches her homophobia, confronts...
Larry and Ruth Rosenfarb
Hippie Hippie HoorayLarry Rosenfarb is the dude whom Grandma hires to put up new wallpaper after Ma dies, and Ruth is his wife. These two people spend about forty-eight hours with Dolores, but they...
Dottie
Handy WomanDottie is the janitor of Merton College, and she lets Dolores stay in the dorms even though Dolores arrives a whole week early. (Time management isn't one of Dolores's strong suits.)Even...
Dolores's Dad
Handsy-man Dolores's dad is pretty much the source of all her problems. He works for Mrs. Masciotte as a property manager… and he's managing more than her property, if you catch our drift. They h...
Minor Characters
FrenemiesDolores has a hard time making female friends. Here are a few she comes into contact with, but they'll never be BFFs, or even BFs. Heck, she isn't even Fs with most of them. First is Jeane...