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The Real Poop

There are few occupations more stressful or intense than that of a celebrity personal assistant. From days that last longer than the sun stays in the sky to the most ridiculous demands any human has ever had to deal with, your life as planner/organizer/errand runner/life coach to the stars will be a gauntlet of putting out proverbial fires as your employer's shining beacon continually creates them. 

The trauma may be more emotional than physical, but you still may find yourself wishing you were digging a ditch outside of Altoona rather than having to take one more call from your completely neurotic, overly demanding, slightly cruel—and oh-so-incredibly famous—employer.

To be fair, it isn't always like that. There are some very nice people in the entertainment industry, and they need someone they can trust to tend to their personal affairs just as much as Divaface McCrazypants does.

 
"This is your pay, but I've balled it up so I can throw it at you. Run." (Source)

You might luck out and work for an actor or musician who used to be an assistant themselves, and understands how tough the gig can be. But we wouldn't count on it—even a lot of the nice celebrities will have no concept of what it means to do things for themselves. That means you get to do it for them—for a hearty fee. This may be an incredibly difficult job, but with an average pay around $80,000, you might just be more willing to take the daily hits to your fragile ego (source). 

Many people use this career as a stepping stone into the industry. The movie star or rap artist—or even well-known director or producer—will know that you don't plan on sticking around forever, but don't fool yourself. 

If you're good at your job, your employer will likely want you to remain their assistant as long as possible. They may occasionally let you out of work to hit an audition or take a meeting, but they might not go the extra Hollywood mile to hook you up with a big casting director or put your screenplay in the hands of the right people.

And especially not on days they need you to hang around, just in case they need a latte or a pep talk or something.

Being in this career does have its perks. You'll meet a number of important people in the course of your work, so there are connections a-plenty to be made. Just by the sheer amount of organization, planning, and yelling at vendors over the phone that you'll be doing, your management skills will become incredibly refined.

You'll also get to know the business inside and out, which is essential if you ever plan on making a name for yourself here, whether you want to be an actor, represent them, or exploit them for all they're worth.

 
Which, by the way, are fabulous. (Source)

The right person for the job is the one who can handle a ton of pressure while keeping their boss calm and cool. Having a college degree and some experience with management or planning will definitely make you a prime candidate, but celebrities aren't always known for making rational decisions. You might get hired just because the celeb liked the shoes you wore to the interview.

Regardless of your background or future prospects, making this work for you in the present will take a lot of effort and patience on your part. 

You're going to be running errands, fetching coffee, picking up dry-cleaning, dropping off your boss's pet Chihuahua at the groomers, acting as a barrier between your celebriboss and encroaching paparazzi or crazed fans, making sure the taxes are done and filed in a timely manner, making travel arrangements, paying the utilities bill, organizing the fan mail, and attempting to handle some of the most infuriating lose-lose scenarios every single day of the week.

And every day, you'll have to wake up and say, "Please sir, may I have some more?"

On the flip side—and thank goodness there's a flipside—you're going to be immersed in the culture that you've always dreamed of being a part of. You're going to be paid better than every struggling artist in Los Angeles and New York combined. You'll attend exclusive movie premieres and after-parties, mingle with the biggest names in the entertainment industry, and generally feel like a big shot.

 
I'm gonna poop and you're gonna clean it. (Source)

Until your boss makes you carry their Chihuahua to the premier, that is. Then you'll remember who the real big shot is.

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