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Bell Curve


Deer in Headlights. Salary: $40,000 

For your first job, you're the personal assistant for an angry comic who thinks he's a lot more famous than he actually is. You spend most of your day trying really hard not to not laugh at his jokes, otherwise he gets really angry and starts obsessively pulling his hair while pacing around his kitchen. Welcome to Hollywood.


Impersonal Assistant. Salary: $60,000 

You have a new gig working for an actress who's fairly new on the scene but has a recurring role on a well-known television program. It's nice to be getting a regular paycheck, but with all of her ridiculous demands, you're starting to regret that you looked for work under "Divas Hiring" on Craigslist.


Trusted Hand. Salary: $80,000 

You've been the assistant to a popular character actor for years; he's nice enough, but very demanding. One of his demands is that he receives one poached egg for breakfast at precisely 8:45AM. It's a strange request that you never took seriously until that time you showed up at 8:46AM. You're lucky to still have all your limbs attached.


Mister (or Sister) Assister. Salary: $100,000 

You're the personal assistant to one of the biggest stars in the music industry. This week is the Video Music Awards and they've asked you to go as their date. You look forward to it all week, only to find out that they're planning on dressing as a sexy cowboy for the ceremony—and they need you to be the glittery horse.


The Great Assistant. Salary: $120,000 

Your A-List Hollywood film star is on a world tour to promote their new film. They've taken their publicist with them as usual so you aren't needed on this particular tour. Instead, you're staying at the house making sure everything's okay on the home front. Everything looks fine from your view next to the pool.