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Typical Day

Susie Sorority, President of Panhellenic, wakes up at 8:00 A.M. bright eyed and ready for the new day. She gently lifts up her 1000 thread count Egyptian cotton sheets, and floats out of bed on a cloud of perfection. She is met downstairs by the smell of delicious Eggs Benedict and her suave husband Sven Vonfurstenburger. He hands her the economy section of the New York Times, and she sits down to enjoy a cup of coffee and the quiet stylings of David Cassidy.

By 10:00 A.M. Susie has taken a long luxurious shower, said elaborate farewells to her husband and her cat Napoleon, and reached the National Panhellenic Conference building with absolutely no traffic. Yes, she is just that good.

As she enters her office one of the many eager interns that works there immediately bombards her with fifty messages that essentially say that everything that can go wrong has. Susie laughs. Childs play. She sends the intern for more coffee, and leisurely opens up her MacBook Pro. Like clockwork her email pops up informing her that she has over two hundred and fifty new messages! All urgent, and all need to be taken care of today. Susie smiles. Bring it on.

The next two hours are filled with angry rantings of dissatisfied sorority chapters (what do you mean hazing isn’t good for moral?), disastrous event problems (One Direction cancelled!), and confusion about the fundamental idea of what a sorority exactly entails (philanthropy?). Susie handles all of this with class and determination, and makes sure that everyone knows the standards at which they are being held to. She does all of this by lunch.

12:00 P.M. hits and Susie is off to lunch with the girls at the deliciously famous Sushi Sushi. However, no lunch with the girls is 100% pleasure, and they end up discussing the next sorority convention that they must plan. The first one of the year is in an hour, and yet they are always thinking ahead. Image is essential, and they never seem to stop planning. Susie goes to the bathroom; re applies her mascara, and fixes her pearls.

At 1:00 Susie and the ladies enter the convention room, which looks like it has been hit by an extremely vengeful tornado. The event is at 2:00 and there is no possible way it can be fixed in time. Luckily Susie is an incredible multitasker with skills in both interior design and project management. She assigns everyone a new task and by 2:00 everything is in perfect shape.

The guests start to arrive and Susie meets and greets like nobody’s business. She chit-chats with senators, chapter Presidents, and sponsors. She reconnects with some of her old sisters, and even belts out a bawdy sorority tune she used to sing back in college. By 4:45 it’s time for her farewell speech. Susie gracefully goes to the podium, and recites the most beautifully crafted speech ever written; only to be met with half hearted applause. Everyone is too engrossed in the chocolate fountain to care.

We'd use this fountain to make a wish, but it already came true.

By 5:00 everyone has left the convention hall, and Susie ensures that the clean up crew puts everything back in order. She leaves the convention hall by 5:15 and is back in the office by 5:30.

For the next hour and a half she replies to the three hundred more messages that she got while she was out. Most of them are angry and antagonistic, but Susie approaches them like a lady. With balls of steel. No one thanks her or encourages her, but she doesn’t expect it.

By 7:15pm she is out of the office, and back home relaxing with her loving husband, Napoleon the cat, and of course David Cassidy.

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