Character Analysis
Dumb and Dumber(er)
Honestly, we're not sure Marty and Link deserve separate character analyses: they're Titus's best bros, and we hardly ever see them outside of each other's company. But we don't want to make the same mistake Violet does by lumping them in together: if you look reallyclose, you can tell them apart.
So let's take a look at Link.
Lincoln "Link" Arwaker
Link is described as "tall and butt-ugly" (2.6), which—in a world full of TV-star look-alikes—almost makes him interesting. Plus, he's mega rich, so rich you can almost smell the money on him: "that kind of old rich that's like radiation, so that it's always going deet deet deet deet in invisible waves and people are suddenly like, 'Unit! Hey! Unit!' and they want to be guys with him" (2.6).
He gets all the ladies, too, even though "he's a meg asshole to them" (4.34). Calista and Quendy have an ongoing cat-fight over Link, and even Violet isn't immune to his charms. Titus seems surprised that she thinks Link is "youch," and she answers him by saying that his ugliness makes him hot—it's a compelling contrast to everyone else's physical perfection.
So, Link: he's tall, ugly, rich, and kind of an alpha-male. But what's on the inside?
America's Secret Weapon
Turns out, "Link" stands for Lincoln. As in Abraham. As in one of the more heroic figures in American history . And then it turns out that Link's "part of a secret patriotic experiment" (2.10), genetically engineered from blood found on Mary Todd Lincoln's cloak from the fateful theater outing that Mr. President didn't survive. (No wonder he's tall and not perfect-looking.)
Here's the thing: Lincoln is generally regarded as intelligent and articulate and an all-around elder statesmen. You know, the Gettysburg Address and all that "government of the people, by the people, and for the people" business. That's some good stuff right there, and idea of our Link being some kind of "secret patriotic experiment" is just hee-sterical. Poor Link gives us a sense of just how de-evolved the America in the novel has become. In going for all that fancy-pants and expensive genetic engineering, Link's parents forgot one crucial thing: nurture. Link wasn't raised in a log cabin knowing that he'd have to work for whatever he had; he was raised in an environment that breeds incuriosity and idiocy—and someone who wants to take the easiest way out.
Case in point? When Link plays limbo at SchoolTM, he bends forward instead of backward, "so it isn't as hard" (35.63). Way to be, Link.