The Homecoming Queen's Dilemma
- The following Monday, Paul's scouting the halls of his high school for Noah.
- Instead he finds his friend Infinite Darlene (formerly Daryl Heisenberg), a drag queen who is also homecoming queen.
- Oh—and she's the star quarterback. She's a busy one, that Infinite Darlene.
- She's got problems today, as she always does. It's the day of the Homecoming Pride rally and she's supposed to march in with the football team, but as homecoming queen, she's also supposed to introduce the football team.
- She's afraid that if she doesn't do the introductions, her archenemy Trilby Pope will snatch the crown.
- Paul asks if Trilby would actually stoop that low, and Infinite Darlene says of course she would, and because of her giant fake boobs she'd have trouble getting back up.
- Paul's distracted by looking for Noah, and Infinite Darlene picks up on the distraction. She asks Paul if he's looking for someone, but Paul doesn't want to tell because Infinite Darlene likes to gossip.
- Who should walk by at that moment to complicate things further but Paul's ex, Kyle Kimball? This was not a good breakup—Kyle blamed Paul for tricking him into being gay, because that's possible. (Not.)
- As Kyle walks past without speaking, Joni comes running up to give Paul a Noah Report. It's the same as the last five: she hasn't found him yet.
- However, she's found a photo Noah took, which her new crush Chuck helped her steal from the wall outside the photography classroom.
- Paul realizes this crush is happening because Joni can't stop saying Chuck's name.
- The photograph is cool: it's an old man sitting in a room full of snow globes. Paul realizes another thing: Noah's an awesome photographer.
- Infinite Darlene is going nuts wanting to know who Paul's crush is, so Paul breaks down and tells.
- He realizes the two minutes he spent with Noah totally changed his life. Funny how that happens sometimes.