The Reformed Vampire Support Group Suffering Quotes

How we cite our quotes: (Chapter.Paragraph)

Quote #1

Bridget's always knitting. She was eighty-two when she was infected, so she can't do much else. Even climbing stairs can be a problem for Bridget because of her hip joints. There's only one thing worse than being a vampire, and that's being an elderly vampire with bad hips. (1.49)

Oh, sorry if your vision of glamorous, sexy, strong vampires just got dashed to pieces. Based on Nina's description of vampire life, we know that vampires don't automatically heal from whatever aging or illness/injury they've experienced while mortal. In fact, the vampiric infection just seems to make things worse. It's no wonder Nina thinks that being a vampire dooms you to endless suffering.

Quote #2

A vampire's stomach isn't capable of digesting normal food…Even stale blood can result in some pretty gruesome side effects: not just stomach cramps and migraines, but continual vomiting, extreme dehydration, and a slimy red discharge from the gums. (5.3)

Well, isn't that pleasant? Nina informs us that yeah, garlic is bad for vampires, but then again, so is every other human food. The consequences of eating food instead of blood sound pretty dire. No wonder Sanford gets on everyone's case about eating regularly, and eating well.

Quote #3

I've heard tell that Gladys once begged for a stake through the heart after she stupidly dosed herself with horse chestnut. Her skin was peeling off in powdery flaps, and her joints swelled up like balloons. (5.4)

We don't even know what horse chestnut is, and this makes us want to avoid it. Yuck. Based on Nina's graphic description of what happened to Gladys after eating it, we now have a very icky mental image of how much vampires can suffer from poor dietary choices. It's almost like they're allergic to everything.