Television Quotes

"'Cause it's a Wednesday night, baby, and I'm alive."

"A lion does not ask permission before he eats a zebra."

"All I do is think and blink."

"All in the game. All in the game, yo."

"All monsters are human."

"Allons-y!"

"And I would have gotten away with it, too, if it weren't for you meddling kids!"

"And now for something completely different."

"And that's the way it is."

"Any mean thing someone's gonna think of to say about me, I've already said to me, about me. Probably in the last half hour."

"Anything. Can be a slam. Poem. If you say it like this."

"Baby, you got a stew going."

"Baby, you're the greatest."

"Bam!"

"Bazinga!"

"Book 'em, Danno."

"Burn!"

"But that's life. One minute you're on top of the world. The next minute, some secretary is running you over with a lawnmower."

"Butts."

"By all means, attribute my legitimate feelings of sadness to menses."

"Clear eyes, full hearts, can't lose."

"Come on down!"

"Consume mass quantities."

"Cut it out."

"D'oh!"

"Danger, Will Robinson!"

"De plane! De plane!"

"Dear frozen yogurt: you are the celery of desserts. Be ice cream or nothing. Zero stars."

"Democracy is so overrated."

"Did I do that?"

"Do you believe in miracles?"

"Do you have any Grey Poupon?"

"Don't have a cow, man."

"Dy-no-mite!"

"Eat my shorts!"

"Elizabeth, I'm coming!"

"Everybody lies."

"Everyone keeps saying that. It must be a conspiracy."

"Frak!"

"Gee, Mrs. Cleaver..."

"Get out of my chair, Meathead."

"Get out!"

"Giggity giggity"

"Go home, Roger"

"God'll get you for that."

"Good grief!"

"Goodnight, John Boy."

"Have a good life."

"Have mercy."

"Heh heh."

"Hello, Newman."

"Hello. IT. Have you tried turning it off and on again?"

"Here it is, your moment of Zen."

"Here's Johnny! (Tonight Show)"

"Hey now!"

"Hey, brother."

"Hey, HEY, hey!"

"Hi, my name is George. I'm unemployed, and I live with my parents."

"Hi-di-ho, neighbor!"

"Holy crap!"

"Homey don't play that."

"How you doin'?"

"I am definitely a mad man with a box."

"I am the one who knocks."

"I am vengeance! I am the night! I am Batman!"

"I can't believe I ate that whole thing."

"I don't even want a boyfriend."

"I don't know what it is about me that makes people think I want to hear their problems."

"I don't wanna grow up, I'm a Toys "R" Us kid."

"I have been starved out, felt up, teased, stalked, threatened, and called Taylor Swift."

"I have work, and then I have a dinner thing. And then I am busy, trying to become who I am."

"I know nothing!"

"I live in a van down by the river."

"I love it when a plan comes together."

"I love that woman. I love her more than sharks love blood."

"I need to know that I'm being heard."

"I stand behind my decision to avoid salad and other disgusting things"

"I think that I may be the voice of my generation. Or at least a voice. Of a generation."

"I want my MTV!"

"I want to go to there."

"I was so worried I baked a whole cake. And then I ate a whole cake."

"I'd consider myself a realist, alright?"

"I'd like to buy a vowel."

"I'm a monster!"

"I'm a smart, strong, sensual woman."

"I'm an adult, and I'm responsible. Let's go get some candy."

"I'm Larry, this is my brother, Darryl, and this is my other brother, Darryl."

"I'm listening."

"I'm no hero. I put my bra on one boob at a time like everyone else."

"I'm not a doctor, but I play one on TV."

"I'm not interested in caring about people."

"I'm the man who's gonna save your lives and all 6 billion people on the planet below. You got a problem with that?"

"If it doesn't have meat, it's a snack."

"If the apocalypse comes, beep me."

"If you don't like how the table is set, turn over the table."

"If you don't like what's being said, change the conversation."

"If you need me, I'll be down here on the floor. Dying."

"Is that your final answer?"

"It is possible to commit no mistakes and still lose. That is not a weakness. That is life."

"It keeps going and going and going..."

"It takes a licking and keeps on ticking."

"It's a dog eat dog world, Sammy, and I'm wearing Milkbone underwear."

"It's a really big show tonight!"

"It's me. I'm the thing that needs to be fixed. I'm the thing that needs to be handled. I'm the scandal, and the best way to deal with a scandal is to shut it down."

"It's this century. It still does perplex me so."

"Jerome's in the house! Watch your mouth!"

"Just one more thing..."

"Kids, you tried your best, and you failed miserably. The lesson is: never try."

"Kiss my grits!"

"Ladies and gentlemen…The Beatles!"

"Legen—wait for it—dary!"

"Let's be careful out there."

"Let's get ready to rumble!"

"Live from New York; it's Saturday Night!"

"Look! Up in the sky! It's a bird! It's a plane! It's Superman!"

"Love fades away. But things...things are forever."

"Make it so."

"Make it work."

"Marcia, Marcia, Marcia!"

"Mom always liked you best."

"More cowbell."

"My mad face and my happy face are the same."

"Nanu nanu."

"Nip it in the bud!"

"No soup for you!"

"No touching!"

"Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition!"

"Norm!"

"Nostalgia. It's delicate, but potent."

"Not that there's anything wrong with that."

"Note to self: After a long day at work, I don't need to see that!"

"Now cut that out!"

"Oh my god, they killed Kenny!"

"Oh, it's okay. I guess I wasn't meant to have a good life."

"Once there was only dark."

"POW, right in the kisser!"

"Resistance is futile."

"Say goodnight, Gracie."

"Schwing!"

"Seize the moment. 'Cause tomorrow you might be dead."

"Serenity now!"

"She's my person."

"Silly rabbit, Trix are for kids!"

"Smile! You're on Candid Camera."

"Sock it to me."

"Sometimes being stuck inside my own head is so exhausting it makes me want to cry."

"Sookie."

"Space, the final frontier."

"Stifle."

"Suit up!"

"Survey says!"

"Tell me what you don't like about yourself."

"That's a dealbreaker!"

"That's hot."

"That's what she said."

"The best thing about human beings is that they stack so neatly."

"The gift of a good liar is making people believe you lack a talent for lying."

"The hardest thing in this world is to live in it."

"The San Francisco Treat!"

"The thrill of victory and the agony of defeat"

"The tribe has spoken."

"The truth is out there."

"The world needs bad men. We keep the other bad men from the door."

"There's always hope tomorrow will be taco night."

"These pretzels are making me thirsty!"

"They're like humans, but miniature. Teacup humans."

"This is not one of your more convincing fake showers."

"This is the city."

"This place is like somebody's memory of a town."

"Those stories (and Andy Rooney) tonight, on 60 Minutes."

"Time for the charm bomb to explode."

"Time is a flat circle."

"Time to make the donuts."

"Troy and Abed in the morning!"

"Two thumbs up."

"Up your nose with a rubber hose!"

"Wassup?"

"We are two wild and crazy guys!"

"We've got a situation."

"Well, isn't that special?"

"What you call love was invented by guys like me...to sell Nylons."

"What you see is what you get!"

"What you talkin' 'bout, Willis?"

"When you control the mail...you control information."

"Where are you going in those Keds?"

"Where’s the beef?"

"Who are you wearing?"

"Who loves ya, baby?"

"Wii (We) would like to play."

"Will you accept this rose?"

"Would you believe…?"

"Yabba dabba doo!"

"Yas queen!"

"Yeah, that's the ticket!"

"You are about to enter another dimension."

"You are from New York; therefore, you are just naturally interesting."

"You come at the king, you best not miss."

"You eediot!"

"You know what the weirdest part about having a job is?"

"You look mahvelous!"

"You rang?"

"You should never assume."

"You very bad man, Jerry."

"You want to be taken seriously? Stop dressing like a little girl."

"You want weapons. We're in a library. Books are the best weapon in the world."

"You wouldn't like me when I'm angry."

"You're fired."

"You've got spunk. I hate spunk!"

"Your whole generation, you drink for the wrong reasons."

"Zoinks!"