How we cite our quotes: (Chapter.Paragraph)
Quote #1
We even talk a lot about religion. The Jewish Hebrew faith is a lot different than ours. They have their meetings on Saturday and they are still looking for Christ or the Messiah to come. […] I wish I knew more about my own religion so I could tell Beth. (34.1)
Alice's fascination with Beth's Judaism seems a bit weird, but that's a product of the times—if you were raised in a community that was largely homogeneous, meeting someone even a little bit different takes on a whole new level of exoticism.
Quote #2
[…] but sometimes Beth has to go out with the Jewish sons of her mother's friends. She says it's usually a big bore, and the boys don't like her any more than she likes them, but Jewish families are like that, they want their kids to marry other Jewish kids. Some night Beth is going to fix me up on a blind date with "a nice Jewish boy" to quote her mother. Beth says he'll love it because I'm not Jewish and he'll feel he's putting something over on his mother. (36.2)
Does anyone else think that if she'd stayed friends with Beth instead of diving into the drug scene, Alice's major rebellion would've been conversion to Judaism? Her tendency toward codependence makes us think if it wasn't one thing, it'd just be the other.
Quote #3
If I were only a Catholic maybe I could do some kind of terrible penance to pay for my transgressions. I was brought up to believe that God would forgive people's sins, but how can I forgive myself? How could Roger forgive me? (57.3)
Whenever Alice is coming off of a drug binge she waxes religious. She seems to turn to it like a crutch she can lean on when she can't lean on drugs—which is interesting if you think about Marx's quote calling religion the "opiate of the people." Just food for thought.
Quote #4
I guess it's the greatest homecoming anyone ever had. I feel like the prodigal son being welcomed back into the fold, and I shall never ever go away again. (115.1)
It helps, in this case, to be familiar with the story of the prodigal son. Alice isn't that far off comparing herself to him because the basic message is that no matter what she's done while away, her family welcomes her back—unquestioningly—with open arms.
Quote #5
But first, and all by myself, I wanted to have my own special and sacred little part of this special and sacred day. I wanted to review and repent and recommit myself. Now I can sing with the others, "Oh come all ye faithful, joyful and triumphant," for I am triumphant, this time I really am! (118.1)
It kind of sounds like Alice is just regurgitating religious-sounding words, like she heard them somewhere and decided they fit her mood. She is, once again, leaning on religion to help her process her "sins," which is appropriate, we guess, seeing as it's Christmas and all.
Quote #6
Oh damn, damn, damn, it's happened again. I don't know whether to scream with glory or cover myself with ashes and sackcloth, whatever that means. (138.1)
Once again, Alice is using religious references (specifically, ashes and sackcloth) without even knowing what they really mean. In this case, she got lucky and used it appropriately.
Quote #7
There is nothing more to say, dear Diary, except I love you, and I love life and I love God. Oh I do. I really do. (170.2)
Just her cycle coming full circle again: Slip into old habits, run away and do terrible things while high, realize she's an idiot and call home for help, turn to religion for comfort and security. Wash, rinse, repeat.
Quote #8
But inside I'm old and hard and I'm probably responsible for I don't know how many junior high and grade school kids getting hung up, and they probably have turned around and hung up other kids. How can God ever forgive me? Why would He want to? (185.2)
We wish Alice had gone to someone she trusted who understood her religion to answer these questions. Perhaps they could have offered her some real comfort and an ability to process everything that's happened. But that would require her to actually tell someone something of worth, so, never mind.
Quote #9
He's also a very spiritual kind of person, not really religious but spiritual, and he feels very deeply. I think most kids in our generation do. Even on drug trips, many kids think they see God or that they are communing with heavenly things. (227.2)
There's a good reason why people on hallucinogens have religious experiences: Many people are exposed from a very early age to religious ideas and archetypes that linger, even if they don't consider themselves particularly religious.
Quote #10
I truly must have lost my mind or at least control of it, for I have just tried to pray. I wanted to ask God to help me but I could utter only words, dark, useless words which fell on the floor beside me and rolled off into the corners and underneath the bed. I tried, I really tried to remember what I should say after, "Now I lay me down to sleep…," but they are only words, useless, artificial, heavy words which have no meaning and no powers. (256.2)
This is part of a bad trip that catches Alice by surprise, and it's actually pretty sad. She wants to find comfort in prayer and even that betrays her.
Quote #11
It's 2 A.M. and I've just had the sweetest feeling I've ever had in my life. I tried to pray again. Actually I was just trying to thank God for getting me out of there and bringing me home but then I started to think about Jan and Marcie and for the first time I really wanted God to help them too. […] Oh, please God, I hope they do get well. Please help them and help me too. (269.2)
Alice has really come full circle, hasn't she? Can you imagine her praying for Jan or Marcie in the beginning of the diary? She'd probably be spite-praying, like "Dear God. I hope Jan and Marcie come down with an awful case of herpes. Amen."
This is a sweet ending to our story, and we wish our cold, unfeeling hearts could forget that it's a calculated move on the authors' behalf. Alice had to undergo a sense of redemption before her tragic demise in order to really hammer the lesson home.